How Do You Deal With What Other Parents Allow?
7:14 AM
If you are a parent of a pre-teen or teenager then you have probably had your children say "But so and so are allowed to do such and such." I hate it. I hate hearing those words or something similar come out of my oldest child's mouth. What can you say to that? How do you continuously explain to your child that you are sorry, but those aren't your children and you are the one responsible for them, not someone else's parents. It has happened a lot this year and while I try to give Joshua freedom to move around a little, I am a very protective parent. The reality is, some parents aren't. Unfortunately, how do you protect a child in a world where most of his friends can do and say whatever they like?
I know that my child knows what sex is. He is aware of some grown-up things and he of course has heard bad words before. That being said, I do not feel the need to just allow him to watch or listen to things with these topics in them just because he knows what they are. Apparently there are many parents who don't agree. There are kids all over the middle school who are watching nudity, etc. on their phones, listening to music with expletives in it, leaving the campus in the morning to wander to nearby stores, watching adult-themed shows like Family Guy or Jeff Dunham.
Yes, I am aware my child is growing up, but does that mean I need to push him out the door? He isn't going to go crazy when he turns 16 just because I wouldn't let him watch Bella and Edward breaking the bed on their wedding night. He isn't going to turn into a drug dealer because I wouldn't let him leave the school campus to wander the streets with his friends. Some parents say that if you shelter them and don't let them do all of these things, they will just act out more as they get older and I call bullshit. My son tells me all the things he comes across in school. Does it make me happy to hear some of it, no, but it does keep an open line of communication and allows me to explain to him why I don't allow these things.
My children are far from perfect, as am I. I am not one to tell other parents what they should do, but it seems kids are growing up way way too fast these days. So, if you are a conservative parent, how do you deal with other parents allowing their children to do these things and your child asking why they can't do them too?
16 comments
I have to be harder because of autism in our life so I've had a ton of experience being the "bad" guy. That is OK with me. I do what I need to.
ReplyDeleteI've got awhile before then but it scares me!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. Lots of talks help - that way I know what they are facing and can help them process how to handle situations before they get into them. Still, I remind them - OUR family doesn't watch that show because it's who we are as Christians or it's demeaning to women, etc. I still let them go to people's houses but try to keep it to a minimum. Mainly I trust them until they give me a reason not to - then we go back to square one and don't allow them to go to certain homes. I hope you get lots of replies on this one - looking forward to the responses!
ReplyDeleteThanks Leah. We are much the same here. Although, being in a rural location, I have not had to deal with the going over to other's houses yet. I imagine that could make it worse. I realize I can't control everything he is exposed to and that not everyone will parent like I do, I just wish there was a little more censorship in the world where kids are concerned LOL.
ReplyDeleteWe are very conservative and my children don't get to do a lot of the things that other children are allowed to do. It's hard, but I know that in the end it's what is best for us and our family. Do my children like it? Nope. But as their parent it is my responsibility to ensure their safety and to protect them.
ReplyDeleteI am totally on your side. My daughter is in 2nd grade and I already get the "but she listens to it" I cannot believe how some parents let their kids rule the world instead of the other way around. Kids NEED to have rules and I have no problem giving my kids rules on what they can and cannot watch or listen to.
ReplyDeleteMy almost 18 year old has a phone, and he is the ONLY child in my house who does. My 12 year old daughter is constantly begging for a phone, and I always say no. She simply doesn't need a phone. The younger boys do not need an XBOX, a DS, a Kindle or anything like that. They do not need to listen to inappropriate music nor do they watch Rated pg-13 or R films. I want to keep my children young as long as possible.
ReplyDeleteMy little girl is autistic. She has her moments, but generally is a well behaved child. It is expected of her, and she is treated with kindness and consistent patience each day.
ReplyDeleteI see children so often treated like crap. Loving discipline is an anchor for children, but harsh & sporadic is sadly what too many people dish out & wonder why they get the same back from their kids.
I think you have to find a balance when it comes to parenting. It kind of seems parents go to one extreme or the other. I think one of the main things is that children KNOW they are loved.
ReplyDeleteI'm very protective as well and well my kid is my responsibility. Gavyn (10) is always saying that his friends are allowed but not him. This means me allowing him to walk a mile down to the McDonald's with his friends to hang out. Um no. Talking seems to help and hopefully he understands all the dangers that freak me out as a parent but for now he knows he is only 10 and can't do things like that yet.
ReplyDeleteWe are starting to enter this subject at my home with my son. He doesn't understand why he can't watch some of the shows that his cousins and friends do but they aren't appropriate for little kids.
ReplyDeleteI think kids in homes with boundaries may not like their teenage years, but usually end up very successful and self sufficient adults. I did. (For the most part!)
ReplyDeleteI completely understand. We're the same way, very protective of our children.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough but I have no issues with being the "strict parent".
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have this conversation all the time, even though are girls are still toddlers. I see how other children in our extended families are raised and it's not aligned with our parenting styles. I'm simply going to tell them it's "Because I said so!". Lol. But in all honesty, I'm going to try and explain to them that while some parents may allow their children to do certain things, we believe it's inappropriate at their age. They don't have to understand it, but they will need to accept it.
ReplyDeleteThe thought of this scares me. I already get upset when I see 2 year olds play at the park with no supervision.
ReplyDelete