4 Things You Need to Understand About Gestational Surrogacy

10:45 AM

Since making the decision to become a surrogate, I have come across a lot of questions from others. I have also seen women ask questions elsewhere who wanted to become surrogates themselves. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about surrogacy and the process involved to become one. So, I figured why not make a post? Whether you are considering becoming a surrogate yourself or are just curious about the process, these are four things that I think everyone should understand about surrogacy.

1. It is Not a Fast Process

Surrogacy is not quick and if you don't have patience and a true desire to help others create a family of their own, you should definitely pass on the idea. You can't just waltz up to someone, shake hands and transfer the next day. Every journey has a different timeline. Some clinics don't have strict standards and require less testing, but either way, it will likely take several months to get through the testing phase. That is on top of the months that it takes most surrogates to get matched with a couple either through an agency or on their own like I did. By the time I make it to transfer, it will be about a year since the time I matched with my IF's (Intended Fathers.)

2. You Do Not Make a Fortune

Sadly, many people believe that surrogates get paid a fortune for carrying a baby. This leads to many hateful remarks and also unfortunately draws a lot of women to surrogacy who are doing it for the wrong reasons. If my transfer this year works the first time, by the time I have the baby it will have been close to 2 years since I started the process. There will have been endless hours of testing, hundreds of shots, and many other painful or uncomfortable procedures. For all the time and inconvenience, most surrogates comp, including my own is under $20,000.

It may sound like a lot, but when you break it up over the course of two years, there would be much easier ways to earn that income. Do not get into surrogacy for the money, because you won't see a payment until you even achieve a pregnancy and have a 6 week ultrasound. We are not in it for the money. In fact, by getting into surrogacy without another way to provide for yourself, you are only setting yourself up for failure and a hard row ahead.

3. You Are Not Selling Your Baby

Some people have already implied that by being a surrogate I would be selling my baby. These people did not mean any harm, but were making a casual observation without checking their mouth at the door. It could not be farther from the truth though. I will not be biologically related to the baby I carry at all. Will there be emotions when it is time to say goodbye? Of course there will be, but not sadness and grief. There will be happiness and joy for its parents and maybe a bit of sadness to saying goodbye to this beautiful family that I helped create. There will however be no regret and no thought that I just sold my baby, because it simply isn't true.

4. There is a Lot of Testing

You can't just walk in off the street and decide to be a surrogate. They don't just throw an embryo in you and hope it sticks without a second thought. The whole process is a very in-depth meticulous process that comes with loads and loads of testing. Below is a list of testing that my clinic has required. Most of it I have been through, some is still to come.

1. Medical records review from previous pregnancies and births.
2. Psychological MMPI 2 test to ensure you are not crazy.
3. Psychological evaluation with the psychologist alone, with your spouse and with the couple.
4. Up to date Pap Smear
5. Tons of blood work
6. Sonohysterogram or saline ultrasound
7. Hysterosalpingogram
8. Birth control pills before cycling to sync up.
8. Mock medicated cycle - serious of shots followed by an ultrasound to check the lining of your uterus.
9. Cycle for transfer - daily shots and a serious of other medicine in preparation for transfer.
10. IVF transfer to implant the embryo(s)

Do you have any questions about surrogacy or becoming a surrogate? You can leave them below or email me and I am happy to answer them.

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  1. Wow! What an informative post and I agree - money is so not the right reason to be attracted to this process.

  2. This is a good list, K. I love writing posts that dispel some of the myths of surrogacy.

    Btw - how is that mock cycle going? :)

  3. It is going great Rhea :) I have 3 more shots and then the long drive to go get the monitoring done. If everything checks out, we should be transferring this fall!

  4. Love the post.

    I haven't told too many people, but after talking to Rhea a couple years ago, I decided that I was going to be a surrogate also. It has taken this long to get matched with a couple because I have really strict guidelines for the couple I want to help. I will be meeting with the IP's in person in September and I'm super nervous. All I know of them right now is all thanks to the internet. It's finally happening and I couldn't be more excited.

  5. Yay! I couldn't be happier for you! So glad you made the decision as well. It is a wonderful gift. :)

  6. Awesome post! I'm thinking about becoming a surrogate, and this offered more detail about the process then the agency's site! Thanks so much!

  7. What a great post. I think it is awesome that surrogacy is even possible....

    Great post!

  8. I offered to be my sister-in-law's surrogate, because she can't have children. However, my husband (her brother) doesn't like it! I love being pregnant and would love to help another women out!

  9. All the testing and appointments and waiting is worth it though! You are an amazing person for doing this!

  10. Oh yes Mandi, they are definitely worth it. I'm not amazing. Just want to do something useful with my life and have an excuse to eat ice cream. :)

  11. This is such a wonderful thing, and I bet there is a lot to learn and understand before going through iwth it all.

  12. Just now reading this, but it's excellent! I am so glad there are wonderful people like you in this world who help make dreams of being a family come true (and for the right reasons). Can't wait to read all about the birth of this little girl!



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