I Lost Mine. Did You Lose Yours Too?
9:53 AM
No, I am not talking about my keys. I lose those everyday without help from anyone else. I'm not referring to my marbles either, I fear I lost those many years ago when the boys first learned that arguing with each other was their favorite activity. I am talking about something a little more important, something that many people struggle to clarify their whole lives. My identity. I realized a few days ago that I have totally lost mine somewhere along the road. Perhaps I never developed one at all....
I am Rosalie's daughter, the Bunn boy's mom, Matt's girlfriend, but I can't tell you the last time I heard someone actually say my name. Kathleen. That is who I used to be, before years of motherhood, marriage, divorce and a million other paths this life has led me through. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and my beautiful boys, but I no longer have an identity. The closest thing I have to one is my blog and even that defines me by a name other than my own.
When I made the decision five years ago to become a work at home mom, I knew I was giving up adult contact and conversation, but it was all worth the reward of staying home with my youngest. It still is worth those sacrifices, but most days I no longer have a clue who I am. Getting married at 17 and becoming a mom at 18, I am not sure I ever had the opportunity to develop an identity with a clear sense of who I really am.
Someone asked me the other day what my hobbies were and you know what? Other than blogging, I couldn't name a single one. I have things that I do each day, but they revolve around what the boys like to do or want to do. I have no hobbies lol.
So ladies, who is with me? Have you lost your identity in the sea of motherhood and wifedom as well? I plan on reclaiming mine this year. By the end of the year, I hope to be able to write a much different post. Just because I am a mother doesn't mean I can't have an identity and it is time I reclaimed mine. Anyone want to join me?
9 comments
I completely "identify" with you here Kathleen! Well, as far as your blogging personality you are awesome and unique! Sometimes we just need a day off to pamper ourselves and reflect on the things that are important to us - a bath, reading a book just for us, journaling. I know, who am I kidding - no time for a bath with four boys, but just the idea - a little downtime and you'll figure this one out and recognize the YOU that exists now, not the 18 year old waiting to be recognizable (sp?)again.
ReplyDeleteYep, I lost my identity a long time ago. It's so frustrating! Even my husband calls me "mommy" :( But I'm not sure how to get it back, either.
ReplyDeleteWhen I walked the 3 day, it was awesome. I think I liked it so much because it was mine and gave me a purpose besides wiping butts. I can't wait to get signed up to do it again.
I can identify with you as well. I actually came to this realization a few months ago and was like, something has to give! So, I have decided to find new hobbies and "me" time. Some things I have to be creative with, like exercise. My son is a toddler and is starting to give up napping. That precious time used to be my workout time. Now, I push him in his stroller 3-4 miles every single day for some peace of mind and exercise. It works. I feel much more relaxed and calm. I guess I'm lucky to live in Florida this time of year, but it will be brutal in summer.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Thank you for posting this. I have been feeling exactly the same way lately and it has really been getting me down. Just hearing that other moms out there are feeling the same way is a relief.
ReplyDeleteYou have given me the motivation I needed to get part of "me" back!
this is something many moms deal with! I know it's easy to lose ourselves when we give give give to everyone around us. I'm feeling a touch this way too lately...
ReplyDeleteoh boy it is so easy to do! I tell my husband that i need to go shopping and do my hair cause if i don't, i get depressed and frumpy. I need to remember who I am and what i Love to do! That is also why I am involved in groups like La Leche League - to stay involved with other moms.
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are so wonderful! I knew I couldn't be the only one to feel this way. I think as moms, it is all too easy to make our kids our world and lose track of who we really are.
ReplyDeleteYes! I've struggled with this a lot, especially since both boys were diagnosed with autism and a lot of my time is spent coordinating various doctor appointments, therapy, and researching.
ReplyDeleteI felt like this for a long time and recently have gained my identity back. On the otherhand I really like the new identity vs the pre child one so maybe it has all worked out for the best.
ReplyDeleteI made a list of all the things I wanted to do before children sometime in Dec and then I went for it. It started with Oprah, then I got the electric guitar I have always wanted and now Im working on my body. It feels good and I only take an hour for myself each day.
Go for it girl it wont hurt the family at all and it will make you feel whole again.