Thursday, January 24, 2013
You know that moment when you convince yourself that it is okay to have that cookie, because if you chew it while standing on one foot and jumping up and down the calories don't count? Or, when you figure that banana nut bread is mostly bananas and nuts and those things are healthy so it can't hurt to eat half the loaf in one sitting? Yeah, I know those moments too. Those utterly delicious, but ultimately regrettable moments of self sabotage. Why do we do that? Why do we come so far just to try and trip ourselves up?
It's no secret that I have fought with my weight my whole life. For some, being thin is simple. They eat what they want, they drink what they want and the weight just stays off, no matter whether they exercise or not. For the rest of us, who do not eat healthy all the time and who do not work out several times a day, we blow up like balloons and never stop inflating. I hate it, and so I work hard, but begin to tell myself it's not fair. It's not fair that that skinny woman doesn't have to do anything and I have to work so hard. If she gets to eat a brownie than I should too. That brownie leads to set backs though, and I soon find myself asking why the scale isn't moving. If I was honest, it isn't moving because I'm not giving 100%.
Weight loss is hard, a million times harder than weight gain. All it takes is joy in food and friends to put the weight on, but for those of us with chronic weight problems, the truth is far more sickening than that. We self medicate with food, we reward with food, it consumes us. Today, I vow to stop self sabotaging, to stop making excuses and to realize that yes, life is not fair, but the only one keeping me this way is myself. Who's with me?
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