A Post-Surrogacy Update for Those Who Wonder

10:37 AM


All throughout my surrogate pregnancy, the one question I was asked most often was "Won't it be hard to give up the baby." I always answered the question with a simple "No" because quite frankly, the baby was never mine to begin with. Deep down though, I knew there was a difference between knowing this and actually making my body and heart understand it. So I too wondered, "Will it be hard?" Now that I have delivered beautiful Carlene and she has been home with her daddies for a while, I thought I would update with my feelings throughout the process. Even now, the most popular question I am asked is "Was it hard?"

When I delivered Carlene and she was placed on my stomach right away, I felt no attachment. Of course I was happy to have the hard work pay off, to see her healthy and to know that she was finally here, but there was not the instant attachment there was with each of my boys. I had the same feelings toward her then that I had the entire pregnancy. It is sort of like being a distant relative. Where you love them and wish them well, but do not feel the need to constantly have them around and love on them.

For about a week after I had her I was pretty weepy at home. I did not cry because I wanted her, I just cried and didn't really know why. Sometimes I would cry because the boys were arguing with each other and I would get upset that someone else had a loving baby and all I had were boys fighting with each other. Or, I would cry because I looked huge, but no one I walked by knew it was because I had a baby. Eventually that went away though and I was good as new. I can honestly say that I did not have any feelings of regret or sadness over her or the surrogacy though.

Now that it has been about a month and a half. I love it when her dads share a picture or update, but I do not sit around constantly needing one. I am back to my old self and am looking forward to my second surrogacy sometime in the future. If you are considering surrogacy, I am always here to answer questions and can say that it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.

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23 comments

  1. What a touching story, thanks for sharing!
    ps. I am also the mom of 4 boys!

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  2. Thanks for stopping by Cat, it is always great to meet another mom of four boys!

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  3. You did such a wonderful thing and I am glad your back to your old self!!

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  4. She's a cutie and what you have done for those daddies is a blessing. Crying...ahh probably those crazy pregnancy hormones getting back to normal:)

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  5. What a beautiful person you are inside and out! I truly do admire you Kathleen.

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  6. I love that you're able to help a family become complete.

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  7. I'm glad you're back to your old self, and thank you for sharing that. Very admirable!

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  8. she's beautiful and I just know that those daddies are lovin her every minute.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts

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  9. Loved this. What you did is amazing!

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  10. What a beautiful post! She is a gorgeous baby, and you gave such and amazing gift!!

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  11. She is a cutie! I love th sleep pose.

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  12. What a very touching post. She is adorable. It has to make your heart light up when you think of the gift you gave them.

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  13. I love your story and thank you so much for sharing an update! Please keep them coming so we can watch Carlene grow!

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  14. i had a problem with women who think killing the unborn is easier than giving it up..I think its wonderful this child will get a chance to grow up.

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  15. You did an amazing thing and I'm glad that you're sharing this for others considering surrogacy.

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  16. You did an amazing thing... do you think you'll get updates throughout her life?

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  17. Happy to hear she is doing great. You did such a wonderful thing.

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  18. So glad to see a update!! So precious!! :)

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  19. Thanks for sharing your story. I think you're a wonderful person.

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  20. I'm really honored that you have shared such a beautiful story. Her daddies are going to shower her with love and affection!

    Thank you so much for making a family complete.

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