A Day of Weight Loss Talk With The Voices In My Head8:48 AM
"Hey fat ass! Get up and exercise. No! Don't you dare. Put the chocolate down slowly and no one needs to get hurt!"
That is something that the good and healthy voice in my head would say on a daily basis. If you have been around my blog for any length of time, you know that I would love to lose some more weight. Last year I worked really hard and lost nearly 40 pounds with just a better diet and a whole lot of exercise. Unfortunately, I since have gotten another job and have fallen off the weight loss bandwagon. This conversation is one that occurs on a daily basis in my head. Sort of like a Biggest Loser version of Groundhog Day.
The Voice of Health (VOH) - "Yay, the sun is up and it's a beautiful day. Let's exercise now before we get too tired or busy!"
The Voice of Kathleen Couch Potato (KCP) - "Oh shut up Susie Sunshine. It is 5 AM and I have tickets to answer, a post to write and emails to answer."
VOH - "Alright. It is 8AM. You have done your tickets, your post and your email. I's still early, let's workout."
KCP - "What are you, a broken record of Richard Simmons? Go sweat back to the oldies. I have children to get breakfast, a house to clean and more work to do."
VOH - "Okay, well at least eat well and have something healthy for breakfast."
KCP - "I need to go grocery shopping and there is nothing here put marshmallow cereal that looks like it came out of a unicorn's butt. I think I'll pass."
VOH - "Noooooooo. You could have made oatmeal."
VOH - "Wakey Wakey. Nap time is over. Why don't you sneak in a quick program on the elliptical and work the cottage cheese out of those thighs!"
KCP - "Shut the hell up! I nap because I get like 4 hours of sleep at night, not because I'm lazy. How do you know what cottage cheese looks like anyway, it's not like we have ever eaten any? I have to feed the kids lunch and then there are more tickets to answer before someone else steals them and I get no hours at work."
VOH - "Oooh Oooh lunch time! How about a nice baked chicken breast with lots of veggies on the side. That would make up for no breakfast and help slim that waist."
KCP - "Yeah it would be great, when the Queen of England comes and sizzles it on up for me. I am tired and starving and I think I will just nuke a few hot dogs for myself after I fix the boy's lunch."
VOH - "See, you should have had the damn oatmeal."
KCP - "What are you, and oatmeal pusher? Is this the newest form of crack? Just give it a rest already."
VOH - "Fine, have it your way. I am going to go run an imaginary 5K. One of us should be trying to put forth an effort."
KCP - "Hours for work that will pay the bills, meals for the kids, blog posts, answering emails, spending time with the boys, cleaning, etc. Does this not sound like effort?"
VOH - "Yes, but what is it doing for us? How are we going to meet our weight loss goal."
KCP - "Well screw weight loss. Maybe single moms of four boys, who work their butts off and do almost everything alone are just meant to be big fat whales like us."
VOH - "You know that is not true. Just look at Heidi Klum."
KCP - "Yeah, well she is a freak of nature with an annoying accent, who gets paid to be thin. I get paid to help people blog, not exactly the same sailboat Marsha. Go jab at someone else for a while."
VOH - "I would, but unfortunately I am stuck inside this whale-like head with you!"
KCP - "Look, I am lifting weights while sitting on the toilet. Does that make you happy?"
VOH - "Well it would if we did it longer than 30 seconds while the kids yell at us from the other side of the door."
KCP - "Always the complainer. At least I tried. Let's make dinner."
VOH - "Finally, something healthy. Well, except for that rice. Just be sure to fill your plate with mostly veggies."
KCP - " Alright, see the veggies?"
VOH - "Ummm no. Are they hiding behind the massive Mt. Rushmore you have made out of rice?"
KCP - "Whatever you over achiever. I put the veggies on the plate so back off and leave my rice alone before I cut an ish. We should be able to enjoy one thing shouldn't we?"
VOH - "Yeah we should, but if you want to lose weight and look good, the only way to do that is to eat better and start exercising. I know it is hard for us, but it will be worth it."
KCP - " I hear what you are saying, but the chocolate is calling my name. I don't want to spend every day eating food that tastes like cardboard, giving up all treats and sweating away to that slave driver Jillian Michaels. She scares me!"
VOH - "Not the chocolate, please not that. Anything but that! Jillian may be scary, but there is no denying that the program works and she is in great shape."
KCP - " Yeah, great shape for a bulldozer. Fine, I will have some ice cream instead."
VOH - "What? No, I didn't say have ice cream. When did you hear me say that?"
KCP - "Right after anything and before but chocolate, and this ice cream is clearly vanilla."
VOH - "I give up. Fighting with you about trying to lose weight is exhausting."
KCP - "Well I could have told you that."
I want to lose weight, I really do. With the new job, blog responsibilities and the boys home for the summer though, it has been so hard. The fact that I have to work so much harder at it than the naturally thin women that I know stinks. I will be gnawing on some carrot sticks and see some skinny chick narf down 3 pieces of pizza and it makes me sick! I want to be like that. The reality is that I am not. So when the boys go back to school next week, I am going to stop arguing with the Voice of Health in my head and jump back on that weight loss bandwagon. Who is with me?