15 Hilarious Parenting Quotes

7:08 AM


We all know that parenting can be stressful and sometimes makes us want to pull our hair out. However, parenting little humans can also provide plenty of hilarious opportunities as well. Sometimes it is something our children do that make us giggle and other times, it is the crazy things we hear coming out of our own mouths that are drop dead funny. Check out these hilarious quotes about parenting for a Friday laugh!

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." - Phyllis Diller

"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers." - Edgar W. Howe

"Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too." - Lionel Kauffman

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." - Lane Olinhouse

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” - Bill Cosby

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." - Erma Bombeck

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry." - Bill Cosby

"I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food." - Robert Orben

"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." - Robert Orben 

"The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime." - Shannon Fife

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." - Charles Wadsworth

"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television." - Erma Bombeck

"Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out." - Matthew Broderick

“Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child.” - Peter Gallagher

"If I had my child to raise over again
I'd build self-esteem first and the house later
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love. "
- Diane Loomans

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9 comments

  1. loved the one about sitting down and looking comfortable...that's always when I hear 'mom, I NEED some juice' lol

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  2. I love Bill Cosby. A lot of great (hilarious) parenting quotes come from him. :)

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  3. Oh that "sit and look comfortable" thing works like a charm. It works so well its like freakish!? No rest for the weary.

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  4. Those are so funny, and most of them so true! The sitting down one is VERY prevalent in our house.

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  5. Great quotes. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Love the picture and the quotes, especially the one at the end!

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  7. i love them all. soo funny and relatable too!:)

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