When Grandmas Don't Care - A Tale of Absent Grandparents11:42 PM
I am ultra frustrated today and that is why I have sadly been in a lull and have not gotten much done. Have you ever seen, heard of or even dealt with grandparents that just didn't care? My mother and father (when he was alive) were always active in all my children's lives. We go to my moms' house at least a few Sundays a month and the kids stay with her on occassion too. In fact, when I was saving up to buy my house, we lived with my poor mom for six months lol. Obviously, this post is not about her.
The grandma of my oldest three has not been entitrely absent in their lives, she was really drawn to my oldest, but I can't stand when favorites are played, because I love all my children equally. Sometimes she would ask only to see him. There have been years that have gone by without a phone call, letter or visit though. I mean a stamp only costs $.44 and they were even cheaper in past years! Every few years she will call up and out of the blue come and see them, but I have to wonder what does this do to them? All of this is semi acceptable because she has at least been kind to me and them and lives far away.
On the other hand, you have my youngest son's "nanna" (if she can even be called that.) She lives literally 20 minutes away and used to work less than 5 minutes down the street from us and not once has she come by to see him. I can count on one hand the number of times she has seen or held him and he will be five in October. All of those times are when I have taken him to her or when his dad did. Even this would be acceptable, except that she is not this way with her other grandchildren. She tolerates my other children and that is a heck of a lot more than she does for me.
I understand that I am a shy person and not outgoing about getting to know someone, but as a timid person, the first time I met this woman she flipped me off! So, it could be my fault alone that we are not close, but that should in no way affect her relationship with her grandson. To me, it is just unacceptable not to embrace your grandchildren, ALL of your grandchildren. She is now entertaining another grandchild at her house, who she has not had access to for many years and who is now 16. She and the rest of the aunts and uncles in the family are taking him places and have designated days to spend with him. How many of those same family members have ever bothered to spend time with my son?
Sorry for the vent, but I see no value in what they are doing. My mom is older (71) and I hate to think that when she is gone, my children will essentially have no grandparents. Not once have I ever told either of these women that they could not see my son or even made it difficult for them. In fact, I work from home and have for four years, the local one could have dropped by at any time from work and we would have been home.
Thanks for listening and feel free to share your grandparent frustrations in the comment section!